Some things change, and some things never do.

*Warning, a some what depressing post*

I got an A in my first pastry class. I am so excited. you are never to old to be impressed at the fact you got an A in something. When I found out, I told my mom, Doug, the client that was in the shop, I twittered it, took an ad out in the local paper, contacted channel 7 news...you get the picture. I also called my dad. Left a message saying I got an A (do you see where this is going?). That night I was getting ready to go to bed and I realized, I never heard from him. No text saying good job, no call, nada. It really upset me. Why you ask? Well, I thought I had killed the little girl that needed her fathers approval, apparently not. She still exists. She still needed to hear good job from her father and she didn't. Maybe that girl came back because Jim is gone. I know Jim would have been proud. He would have said something like, "Good job Dawn S." I miss him and maybe I wanted...I don't know. I guess you are never to told to seek your father's approval. It will take a few more days, but that little girl who needs the praise, she'll be gone. You can bet on it.

Thursday night I was watching ER, (yes I was watching ER Jeni. You know I am a sucker for final seasons). There was a story line about some doctor that had retired from County and was found wondering and he had Alzheimer's. It got me thinking about my grandma Helen. She is in an assisted living center here in town. She has VERY BAD Alzheimer's. She has no idea what, where, or really who anyone is. I have not seen her in...4years? Why? I hate the woman. Yes, hate is such a strong word, but that is how I feel. My mom and I lived with her. I moved out as soon as I could after graduation. The woman made my life hell. She was cruel and very mean to me. She hated me as much as I hated her. I could tell you stories that would make your jaw drop. I heard a great theory as to why people suffer from dementia, it says that this disease is the souls way of purging the brain of a hypocritical life (I will find the exact quote and post it, but for now this will do). I agree, she led a hypocritical life. She was this church going, gardening, doting grandmother to her other grandchildren...to me, she was horrible. I have maybe 5 fond memories of the woman? How sad that my friends didn't like coming to my house because of her. When she would walk in to the room, my friends would hum under their breath the wicked witch of the west theme. I have decided that when she dies, I will go to the funeral, not to mourn, but to make sure she is truly dead. My mom asked me if I would please go to the home where Helen lives to have a picture taken, and I couldn't. I just could not bring myself to walk into that place with her. Maybe it is true what that quote said. Maybe it is karma and she is suffering for what she did. I don't know. I will say it does make me sad that I carry this hatred with me. I know the only way I will forgive her is in death. My mom one time mentioned how she felt bad that we lived with my grandmother and it was the biggest mistake she ever made. I was so shocked, I had no response. Maybe I need to address it with her again, air out the dirty laundry. I don't know.